Tag Archives: problems

And We Move On

 

Everybody’s got problems. In every life, there’s a little tragedy, a little bump (or a huge hill) in the middle of the road. We can stay there and be left behind, stuck in the past as everyone goes by at their own pace, or we can move on with them. It’s never easy. It’s never going to be. But that’s life.

When I was twelve, my fourth sibling died. By which I mean my mother was pregnant, and due to a large amount of complications she was forced to abort. It traumatised her, it traumatised us. We held prayers in our garden, and I still can’t forget the tombstone from the graveyard that my sibling is buried in. For weeks, we didn’t know what to say about it, or to my mother, and a melancholy attitude settled on our house for a long time.  And yet, my strongest memory of the day I learnt my sibling was dead was going to school that day, and just sitting in the classroom and getting on. Moving on. The pain was still there, for all of us. When my mother was pregnant again, and she had to have special treatment for blood pressure problems, our hearts were in our mouths for nine months. And they’ve been since. We worried, we worry, we always will. But we moved on.

When I was seven, a close family friend died. He was hit by a car, and pronounced brain dead the next day. His mother had to switch off the life support. They’ve struggled to move on: his mother became alcoholic and her husband separated from her and took their young son away, his sister went “wild”. Maybe they’re still stuck in their past. Maybe one day they’ll move on.

Today is 9/11. Except that it isn’t, because that event happened eleven years ago. And maybe the world stopped for America then, but you can only pause for so long before you have to move on again. We had 7/7. We had Iraq, and the way things are going we’re probably going to have Iran. These are the defining events of our generation, but they will eventually fade away like the events before them, like World War Two is doing,  as the first all but has, as all the civil wars and massacres have. It will never be easy. It will never be as easy as I make out, sitting behind my computer screen and personally unaffected and unconnected to these tragedies unlike so many others. But every generation has its wars and its victims, and we drag our feet along for a while after them but, eventually, we have to lift them properly and just keep on, keep on. Move on.

On Daily Posts and Closets

No, not that closet.

I’m amazed that so soon after I received the honour of being Freshly Pressed, I’ve also been featured on the Daily Post. I really want to extend my thanks to the WordPress community again, because I’m so glad to have become involved with such a warm community of blogs and people in my first month of being here.

I wish the young writer wrote much more about the difficult situation of gays all around the world, to make us know the problems they face everyday and to enable us to really be part of their life. How can each of us really help? We shouldn’t say “they” or “their”, but only “we” or “us”. Just human beings.

San Fermo

This was one of the comments I read on the Daily Press blog, and it got me to thinking. Now, whatever your opinion on sexuality, being gay is undoubtedly something that affects my life. It does cause me problems. But I don’t like to moan or even think too much about the “disadvantages” that come with my being gay. If I did, then I’d also have to start worrying about the fact that I’m gay, black, teenage and female (if I was Jewish and disabled, I think I’d tick all the disadvantage boxes). I will always face people judging me on these aspects of my person no matter where I go.

I’m in the closet. For the conceivable future, I will be there until I live independently. Why? Because I belong to a deeply Christian family who wouldn’t tolerate me being gay. And even if a few members of my immediate family did, my extended family would not. This is my problem alone. It can’t be helped. If I get frustrated, I blog or I write. Perhaps it’s not the best way of solving things, but it gets me by.

Is this a problem that can be rectified? Yes, and no. No, because society always needs an “other” to put down. It was the Jews, then the Christians, at the moment it’s the Muslims and gays. Problems like this will always be around. And yes, because being in the closet can drive a person mad. It used to drive me mad, but I’m looking forward to university in two years where I won’t have to hide myself. And before that, the most you can do to help someone in the closet is to give them someone to talk to. I don’t talk to my friends about being gay (only one of them knows), but I can talk to them about other things. If I get stressed, I can relieve this stress through conversation. Yes, there is the occasional awkward moment when I have to tread lightly (discussions about “crushes”, jokes about marriage and children), but for the most part talking is enough to help someone through a situation like mine. And while I can’t speak for all the closeted people in the world, I can ask you to speak to them.

Heck, speak to everyone. You never know who might be gay, especially in high school. I was talking to a friend once, and we were discussing how our lives might be like at a school reunion in the future. She mentioned that one girl might be gay, and when I laughed (at the irony, I can’t help myself sometimes) she said that I should keep an open mind. Any hope of her having one was dashed as soon as she added that she would be creeped out if she had to talk to a lesbian (cue more laughter, by the way). You just never know. So keep an open mind, and just talk to people. 😉

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