It’s been almost eight months since my last post. Explaining why I left so abruptly is difficult to do, but in a nutshell: life’s thrown a dozen curveballs my way and I’m not always the best batter.
Some things are going downhill, some up, some nowhere. Of the more recent things: Death has been hanging about my family for some time now, and last month I cried – really, truly cried – for the first time in years because for only the second time in my life, I watched my father break down. He’s still depressed, and might not be better anytime soon. Three days ago I was invited to an interview at the University of Cambridge, making me the first person in my family to ever get that far academically. Today, I realised along with my mother that my 15-year-old sister will need psychiatric help to get over a traumatic childhood event.
It’s pretty touch-and-go.
I doubt that many people are still reading this blog, but writing about these things is therapeutic to me. I’ve forced myself back, firstly, because this site is the voice I do not have. And secondly, because I miss the daily inspiration, the daily humanity of others’ posts. I’m struggling with a state of mind I’ve avoided for a long time – a state where I’m straddling the line between total apathy and being overwhelmed. And right now, I’m determined not to fall into either.