Gunmetal Grey

I’ve been thinking about the Connecticut shootings since I was sat in the middle of an appointment, watching the newest gun-related devastation on a television in the waiting room. I wanted to write, but I could not find the words. I did not know the words. I still do not.

“God,” my mum had said. “Look. There’s another school shooting in America. Oh God.”

I looked at the screen and the first thing I saw was the word ‘elementary.’ “That’s primary school over here. Jesus. They’re just kids.”

Kids. They were just children. Too young to know the world and now forever deaf and blind to it.

Words are going around in my head about gun control laws in America and my worry that I will come out of this stupor and forget, but that is better expressed in the extremely powerful words of Emily at The Waiting. For now my words are gone and dried and dead. I read not less than an hour ago a list of the names and ages of the children involved. The number ‘6’ ran down most of the page.

I have not cried in a very long time.

I don’t know what it is like to lose a child of my own. I’ve lost a sibling and I’ve lost a friend but I still don’t know. And I hope that I never have to. Today, tonight, I am trying to think of all the children that lost their lives. But all I keep seeing is a gun. It’s almost funny, because I’ve seen plenty of children. But in all the years of my life, I’ve never seen that gunmetal grey outside of a Hollywood film.