On Daily Posts and Closets

No, not that closet.

I’m amazed that so soon after I received the honour of being Freshly Pressed, I’ve also been featured on the Daily Post. I really want to extend my thanks to the WordPress community again, because I’m so glad to have become involved with such a warm community of blogs and people in my first month of being here.

I wish the young writer wrote much more about the difficult situation of gays all around the world, to make us know the problems they face everyday and to enable us to really be part of their life. How can each of us really help? We shouldn’t say “they” or “their”, but only “we” or “us”. Just human beings.

San Fermo

This was one of the comments I read on the Daily Press blog, and it got me to thinking. Now, whatever your opinion on sexuality, being gay is undoubtedly something that affects my life. It does cause me problems. But I don’t like to moan or even think too much about the “disadvantages” that come with my being gay. If I did, then I’d also have to start worrying about the fact that I’m gay, black, teenage and female (if I was Jewish and disabled, I think I’d tick all the disadvantage boxes). I will always face people judging me on these aspects of my person no matter where I go.

I’m in the closet. For the conceivable future, I will be there until I live independently. Why? Because I belong to a deeply Christian family who wouldn’t tolerate me being gay. And even if a few members of my immediate family did, my extended family would not. This is my problem alone. It can’t be helped. If I get frustrated, I blog or I write. Perhaps it’s not the best way of solving things, but it gets me by.

Is this a problem that can be rectified? Yes, and no. No, because society always needs an “other” to put down. It was the Jews, then the Christians, at the moment it’s the Muslims and gays. Problems like this will always be around. And yes, because being in the closet can drive a person mad. It used to drive me mad, but I’m looking forward to university in two years where I won’t have to hide myself. And before that, the most you can do to help someone in the closet is to give them someone to talk to. I don’t talk to my friends about being gay (only one of them knows), but I can talk to them about other things. If I get stressed, I can relieve this stress through conversation. Yes, there is the occasional awkward moment when I have to tread lightly (discussions about “crushes”, jokes about marriage and children), but for the most part talking is enough to help someone through a situation like mine. And while I can’t speak for all the closeted people in the world, I can ask you to speak to them.

Heck, speak to everyone. You never know who might be gay, especially in high school. I was talking to a friend once, and we were discussing how our lives might be like at a school reunion in the future. She mentioned that one girl might be gay, and when I laughed (at the irony, I can’t help myself sometimes) she said that I should keep an open mind. Any hope of her having one was dashed as soon as she added that she would be creeped out if she had to talk to a lesbian (cue more laughter, by the way). You just never know. So keep an open mind, and just talk to people. 😉

———————-

110 followers! Wow! Thanks, guys! I’m so happy, I’ve just murdered my sense of good grammar and used an excessive amount of exclamation marks! 😀

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8 thoughts on “On Daily Posts and Closets

  1. brightbluesaturday

    I’m nearly at 300, but my excessive exclamation marks were dashed to the ground when I started looking through them. I thought I might find some good writers; all I found was “____ no longer exists. Would you like to use _____?” for a large percentage. Frustrating as hell.

    I didn’t have a problem coming out (though I did come out to my parents and move to the other end of the country 2 days later). However, having been the Welfare Officer of my university’s LGBT society, I have spoken to many people who have had, or are having, problems of this kind.

    One girl was offered £5000 to turn straight, by her parents.

    And what I learned, mostly, was this: as much as you try to do things to help people, holding events on how to come out, or anti-biphobia talks, what people need most is solidarity. Social events – going to a show, or on a pub crawl – provided as much “welfare” as welfare events, because they allowed people to talk, openly, for potentially the first time in their life, to others like them. Sexuality need never come up in the conversation, but just the knowledge that the other person has experienced similar things is a comfort.

    Knowing there won’t be an awkward silence because someone says “that’s so gay!” doesn’t hurt either!

    (Sorry for the essay. I’m not out on my own blog)

    Reply
    1. dlaiden Post author

      I was thinking I should go through my list of followers soon; hopefully I won’t meet a similar surprise. :/

      I’d be shocked at that story if such things weren’t so common, so I’ll just say it makes me sad instead. One guy I know was shipped off to an ex-gay camp. >.< But yes, solidarity. Friendship. I know people online who are gay, and I met a few on summer camp, but I've just entered college and it may be difficult. I have no doubt I might meet someone who's had a similar experience, whether I can share mine is the question. I am really looking forward to going to uni and joining an LGBT society, because not having that person to talk to is truly frustrating. And yes, that awkwardness. I've been in the situation one too many times. 😛

      And no need to apologise. 😉 You're just expressing yourself, same as me. Maybe you should come out though, if it helps. I didn't intend to on this blog, at first, but now I'm glad I did.

      Reply
      1. brightbluesaturday

        I blog about language, and try not to deviate.
        Plus my mum follows me – I’m out, and all, but still.
        And I also have lots of conservative followers (based on my Freshly Pressed post, where I gained most my followers, being quite conservative.)
        I’m very active in LGBT rights and equality movements in my life outside of blogging, so I don’t need to come out, it’s just nice to express things in writing once in a while.

        Reply
  2. Pingback: The Perils of Being an Anonymous Blogger | a flock of crows

  3. nevercontrary

    Dear, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I am still shocked my evangelical baptist father was so accepting of my coming out. Keep strong. It sounds corny to say it gets better, like the you tube videos, but it truly does.
    I will keep your family in my prayers, in hopes they come around for you.

    Reply
    1. dlaiden Post author

      Thank you for the kind words and prayer. 🙂 I think that’s amazing how your father immediately accepted you, and I can only hope that one day I’ll have a similar story to tell. I will certainly keep strong and wait for the day that it gets better.

      Reply

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